Monday, September 27, 2010

Relationships...we all have them!

I don't know about you guys, but I seem to have a real hard time finding someone to date so I thought I’d do a little investigating, to find out the top 5 dating mistakes people make world over.

I've had boyfriends, friend that are boys and crushes but none thus far have made it past the 6 month stage or as I like to call the Honeymoon period or Chocolate-Relationship coma – FACT: In the first 3-6 months of a relationship, you are likely running on oxytocin, which is a chemical found in chocolate!- now with a little help from the world wide web i’m going to find the mistakes we make and hopefully I’ll help my self. Stop doing the wrong thing and also help you at the same time! Win-win situation!

 Lets start with the most famous of them all…the one I do constantly and is probably to blame for all my failed relationships!

 1. Game playing
  • We all play games when starting out a new relationship and this strategy is employed to protect ourselves and one’s ego form being crushed. If we are able to protect ourselves on some level from the fear of rejection, so we play it cool and try not to get involved. This may make you feel safe, but you risk coming across as aloof or remote, and may turn the other person off.
Look we all do it, I know I do an i'm very bad at it, I find one little flaw and then its game over!

 2. Obsessing over details
  • This one is common with those who worry. The worry may be a general habit, but now it is turned on the subject of the relationship: worry about what the other person said, worry about what they meant by it, worry about how you reacted, worry about the relationship not working out, worry about what if it does work out, how will your parents react…on and on. Being anxious is a mood killer, and will not make you attractive to a potential mate. But don't go worrying about that! Try to tap into your self-confidence and trust that if the relationship is meant to work out, it will.
I’m the worst at this, I over analyse every single thing a boy does, he didn’t put an xx at the end of his message his made at me, I wouldn’t go over after a night out his now not speaking to me! But enough is enough…someone wise once told me “People look into things too much. If you like talking to him then just go for it.”

3. Looking for Perfection
  • I’m not encouraging you to settle, but separating your desires from your deal-breakers can give your love life a major upgrade. “There are some qualities that your mate must have—being honest, for example—and others, such as movie-star looks, that should be thrown in the would-be-nice category,” says Elizabeth R. Lombardo, Ph.D., author of A Happy You: Your Ultimate Prescription for Happiness. “
Nobody want to date a shmuck, but maybe we have to pick at a few weeds before we find the rose! I'll be the first to say I go for looks over personality, I believe you must be attracted to the person. It's easy to say looks aren't important but you need to be attracted to the person in order to find out their personality!

4. Too Much, Too Soon

  • If you’re looking for an exclusive relationship with him, take a good hard look at whether he’s really ready for that. Exclusivity feels scary to many men, especially if they feel like you’re trying to push them toward a level of commitment that they don’t want.
Heres a little case study for you based on my life –sorry if you read this and see I’ve used you in my blog- I was seeing this guy Andrew* for a few months things were going well, I’d also been the one to take the plunge and ask him out not something I’d done before. So it was about 2 months down the track and we’d been out a handful of times when one night he got all serious and was like what’s going on, where do you see us going! I got a little freaked – normally it’s something a girl would say- and was like what aren’t we taking things slowly it we’ve only just started dating! So that made things a little awkward but we seemed to get past them, but as things progressed I stared feeling more happy with the relationship and where it was going so after about 4 months I asked about our exclusivity and got shut down in the worst way possible! I don’t think there’s ever a right time to have “the talk”.
*Names have been changed to protect identities!

5. Living In The Past

  • We all carry around some emotional pain and past hurts, but be careful about how quickly you share such personal information. You may be longing for someone to talk with, but when you go down this path too soon it leaves you vulnerable and puts him in an awkward position if he’s not ready for that level of sharing.
Don’t live in the past, don’t bring up your ex’s they are bound to surface eventually. But even if they were you’re prince charming and you don’t think you should settle for less. Get to know this guy before you compare him!

Look I’m not an expert on this relationship stuff –so don’t quote me or take my advice to heart- in any sense of the word but I have been there, I’ve been dumped, been the dumper and had my heart broken, but I’ve gotten through it each time so you can too! If you need a something to help you get through a painful break-up or are just starting out a new relationship check out this song below but Jessie James it makes me happy and determined!

1 comment:

  1. Steph, this is an awesome post! I think all of your points are spot on and it's great how honest and candid you are!
    don't worry yourself too much, when the right guy comes along, all the mistakes above when even come into play, it will all flow nicely and naturally for you!
    the oxytocin fact is very interesting! and love that song at the end :-)
    your blog is going so well and is really interesting - you seem to have a great knack for it! can't wait to read more of your posts!


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